I typed this up last winter, and then I left it to gather dust in the corners of my computer. Then on my morning walk, a moment of reminiscence caught my breath and I thought of these moments last year.
As I was driving Leila to her Wednesday morning swim class Toto’s Africa streamed through my car speakers, and I began to quietly cry behind my sunglasses. I am not even sure why I was crying, though I know if I had left the radio tuned to the discussion on the Diane Reame show the tears would have stayed tucked away. Instead I found myself silently weeping to a cheesy 80’s ballad.
I think I was crying because of longing and nostalgia and grief, for everything and nothing. I usually try to unpack and parse out, but that morning I let it be tangled and complicated.
This morning, during our morning meditation, something in the sage burning and the window being open reminded me of Rwanda, and I began to cry again. I thought of a hundred details of our life there. I missed them. I felt homesick for our temporary stay on that enormous continent.
In the afternoon a fellow trainee referred the emotions our morning chants and meditations conjure up in him – he said he is not even sure if he could name them, he is not even sure they need to be named – it is just exercising his feeling muscles.
I suppose I needed the exercise.
It’s official. I’m teaching yoga. I have so much to say about this journey that began February 27th and continued in a new way on September 21st. For now, suffice it to say I’m brimming with gratitude and excitement.
This is one of those years. Or perhaps such is adulthood, where the budget is perpetually lean to accommodate ever-looming large financial goals. We pinched and shifted until there was room for my yoga teacher training. Yoga itself? Not so much. Thankfully my studio utilizes karma as a currency, so in exchange for two-hours of my service cleaning I get unlimited yoga, plus a bit of yoga to share. Thanks to some sweat equity, my back enjoys a consistent yoga practice and I get to participate more in this community I have been peripherally a part of for over five years now. I can hardly understand why I didn’t start this last spring.
Since returning from Rwanda, we are cautious with our commitments. I am glad for this shift. However, sometimes I forget that budgeting time is much the same as budgeting money. There is a set amount, and it is a matter of setting aside enough time for those things I need and prioritizing the wish list for what is remaining. Last spring and summer and fall and winter I felt like there was not enough time. There certainly was not enough time readily available. This spring I budgeted the time. And after two years off, Leila and I are back to very occasionally co-op volunteering. Why not? She learns the importance of giving time, we both have an excuse to linger and mingle and then our family enjoys $10 of credit to chip away at our weekly order.
Have you ever used any sort of time banking in your communities?
PS Look what I found. I’m intrigued.